I’ve been brushing up on my Emotionally Focused Therapy with Sue Johnson’s online course and her book/s. I’m far from an expert but so far it’s a model that really aligns with my main homeboys Attachment Theory and Family Systems Theory.
If I had to take only one thing from my study into Emotionally Focused Therapy, it would be to not get distracted by the content couples come in with (we never have sex anymore! the house is a mess! you’re rude to my mum! you had an affair! I don’t like the way you speak to me!). Under all this content is the root of the problem – disconnection.
Of course, the other things problems – but the root of ALL problems is the lack of emotional safety and security in your connection to each other to openly and unabashedly talk about it without anger, hurt, sadness or defensiveness.
The root of all discontent is disconnection.
The solution is safety and security in connection with another (your lover, your child, your mother, your Self).